bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
