I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
