Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
