I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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