just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
