I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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