She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
