now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
