I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
