Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
