i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
