I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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