She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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