I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
