Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
