he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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