Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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