areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
