I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
