today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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