He felt like a one man threesome
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
