do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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