a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
