actually, I'm a sock model
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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