I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
only if we run a train.
done.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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