In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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