1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
