I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
