Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My first STD was from a foam party
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How does one acquire holy water?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
