I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
