she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
