it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
