yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
