Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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What drink are we having for lunch?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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