i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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