I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
