What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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