he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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