I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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