dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
