why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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