i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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