Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
