im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize