Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
