He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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