I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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