I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed