Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
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I want to be your penis for a week.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober