I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.