I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.