i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet