was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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