He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
