you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My dick has a subreddit
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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