tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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