She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
