I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
