So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
