As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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