Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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