dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
