I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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