You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
