she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
