there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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