Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
