I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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