i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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