Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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