i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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