The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
