Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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